Equality, maybe?

     10 years ago...

  When i opened my eyes and looked at the ceiling, i was blank, I still didn't really know whether i wanted the answer. I did not want to know whether I had given birth to a boy or to a girl. No, don't mistake me for a woman who thinks a girl in any way is inferior to men but i wasn't sure of my reaction. A very small part of me knew the reality and the reality was that in some way or the other men had more advantage than women. Though the woman in me protested to this thought and screamed to me "you bias bitch, don't you know, they are equal?" the mother in me said, "if it's a boy, you at least know he is safe." My thoughts were interrupted by my mother-in-law's fierce harsh voice, "thank the Lord this modern bahu  of yours did something good. She gave us an heir. Your name won't fade away soon my son." This was probably the first time i heard so much excitement  in her voice. It was as if this was all she wanted from me, an heir to her property. My husband opened the door and entered the cabin. He probably noticed the void expression on my face. He decided to break the silence and smiled at me, "it is a baby boy my beloved, our baby boy". I smiled too and said, "i know". 

        I had met him while doing my MBA in Mumbai. And like everybody we had our story. We tied ourselves in holy matrimony 3 years ago and now we were parents to a lovely baby boy. Love being most irrational and marriage coming in a package of two families, i had to marry not only him but also his orthodox and conservative mother. This was the very reason  probably why I agreed to marry him in the first place, that despite of his mother's orthodox ways he managed to grow up just fine. He managed to cultivate in him noble thoughts that men and women were equal. However my husband clearly understood that it wasn't a very peaceful idea keeping my mother-in-law and me under the same roof. So we decided to shift to our apartment while she continued to stay with her in laws.

7 years ago...        One evening, after a tiring day at office, i sat in my balcony sipping my regular evening coffee and watching my three year old knight in shining armor playing with his toys. I loved being his silent observer. I saw him keeping his electronic toys on one side and his plastic toys on the other. After he had separated them he noticed that only one doll, which was definitely not something he would play with, was still to fit into any group of toys. I watched him intently waiting for his next action. I was too curious to know what he would do with that doll. And suddenly i saw him flinging the doll to the other side of the room. I was stunned. I did not know what to say. I got up and went to him. Very politely i asked him to go and bring the doll to me and then justify his action. He then told me "mamma, in our pre-school they distribute planes and cars among boys and dolls among girls. And when the dolls are given to boys they break the hands and tear the hair of the dolls and then throw it. So i thought this was the way of  playing with a doll, so i threw it." I knew it wasn't his fault. He was merely a child. He didn't even know how this action was symbolic and why was i shuddering with rage. Trying my best to hold back my tears, i told him, " beta, never do this again. Never hurt a doll or throw it around. If you don't want to play with it, don't, keep it on one side but don't isolate it. Let it be. Let it watch you while you play with the other toys.", i smiled and then continued, "My son... when you'll grow up... you'll know exactly what i wanted to teach you today..." and then i wiped the corners of my eyes and retreated to my room.

      In three months he was admitted to school. After clearing his personal interview he came running to me and told me, "mamma, will i study in this big school from now?", I smiled and nodded my head and then told him " my boy remember this, this world is much bigger than this school and this world is very cruel, from today you have to slowly understand what is right and wrong and how to stand up for the right and eliminate the wrong."


5 months ago...    "Mamma,did i do anything wrong?"
My 10 year old walked up to me one morning and asked. I looked at him and asked, "what did you do?"
"Mama, they were bullying her and teasing her, they were doing wrong things, she was crying and pleading them to let her go. I told them to stop but they didn't listen so i went and complained to the principal. He suspended them for a week.", I signed, "who were they, beta?", "two seniors mamma".
I pulled him close and kissed his forehead and uttered "I am very proud of you". This was probably the happiest day of my life. I knew for sure that my son at least knew how to stand up for the right. In his way he had learnt how to respect a woman.



2 months ago...    "Mamma, my annual day practice starts from tomorrow. Please inform the driver."
This was his favourite time of the academic year. He loved his annual day practices. Every year,during this time he came home with different stories each day.

Next day i came home and found him crying. I asked him what it was and he said that his stomach and back were aching. I gave him medicines and put him to bed. The next morning he had high fever so i took him to a doctor and the doctor said he needed to rest.


2 weeks ago...   After a leave of three long weeks he went back to school. The annual day practices were still on but he no longer returned home with stories. He went into a shell. He grew silent and lonely. Whenever i asked him what was wrong he either said nothing or didn't say anything at all. I grew worried and told my husband about it. He said that these were few changes he is undergoing. He told me to give it time and he'd be fine.

2 days ago..   When i returned from office, i found him limping. I asked him, "beta, what happened to your legs?", he replied in a hurried tone, "nothing mamma, i fell while playing".

Today...   And then it happened. The day i never imagined in my worst of nightmares.
I returned from office and found my son asleep. I took his uniform and put it in the laundry bag. I realised that i"d left his trousers in the bedroom. I went back to fetch for it. I picked it up from the rack and to my eyes came the shock. I saw blood stains. Tears ran down my cheeks. I hoped that i had seen wrong or what i saw was not what it was.
I knew i had to be strong. I had to help him out of this. But somewhere i knew it was my fault. How did i forget to teach him that this world had beasts which attacked men too?

   I woke him up and asked him," beta, tell me the truth. Tell me exactly what's going on. I can help. I promise. He hugged me and burst into tears. After a while of silent sobs, he looked up and said, "Mamma, why didn't you tell me they harm men too? Why didn't you tell me we were not safe?
I managed to ask him, "who were they?"
"The seniors i got suspended mamma"....